(He puts his hand in front) Skinner: The Be Sharps. Apu: How about, 'The Be Sharps?' (Everyone laughs loud at first, then less, then the laughter tapers off) Skinner: Perfect! Homer: The Be Sharps. Skinner: Er, um, we need a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it. What do we call ourselves? Nigel: How about, 'Handsome Homer Simpson Plus Three?' Barney: I like it! Apu: Wait, I do not. Skinner: Only one question remains, gentlemen. Moe: Those girls you paid to scream are doing a great job. Reverend Lovejoy: Ned, there's an oil stain in the parking lot that looks just like St. Ned: You know, Reverend, this really isn't a hymn. Moe: (pulling out their exact orders in a flash) Here you go! Moe: Hey Barney, what'll it be? Barney: I'd like a beer, Moe! Barney's Girlfriend: I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's hat. (Barney and his girlfriend walk in, and Barney inserts a demo tape into a recorder) Barney: Barbershop is in danger of growing stale! I'm taking it to strange new places! (on the recorder) Barney's Girlfriend: Number eight. And where's Barney? Principal Skinner: Oh, he's with his new girlfriend, the Japanese conceptual artist. Apu: This is worse than your song about Mr. (Homer, Apu and Skinner, with stubble on their faces, are in the recording studio) Homer, Apu, Skinner: (singing off-key) For all the latest medical poop, Call Surgeon General C. (The reporters laugh while Barney sheds a tear) Reporter: Principal Skinner, you've been referred to as 'the funny one.' Is that reputation justified? Principal Skinner: (seriously) Yes. Reporter: Barney, how did you join the group? Barney: They found me on the men's room floor. Isn't it true that you're really an Indian? Apu: By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie. Reporter: I have a question for Apu de Beaumarchais. (Homer, Apu and Principal Skinner audition a replacement for Chief Wiggum.) Groundskeeper Willie: (sings 'Downtown', by Petula Clark) When you're alone and life is getting you lonely, you can always go, ACH! Downtown! (pronounced 'Doon Toon!') Apu: NEXT! Jasper: (sings the otherwise instrumental 'Theme from a Summer Place') Theme from a summer place, from a summer place, the theme from a summer place, it's a theme. Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool.

Human Fly: Hello, Human Fly here! Come on, I spent all night dying my underwear. Man: Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out.īarney: David Crosby? You're my hero! David Crosby: Oh, you like my music? Barney: You're a musician? Lisa: Wow, an original Malibu Stacey from 1958! (sees the huge, pointed breasts) Oh. Homer: Bart, what did I tell you? Bart: No talking like a grizzled 1890's prospector, consarn it.

Homer: Shut up!īart: Barbershop? That ain't been popular since aught-six, dagnabbit. Homer: Well, anyway, we were all getting tired of. Lisa: What about Bob Hope? He's been consistently popular for over fifty years. Homer: We were about to learn an iron law of show business what goes up must come down. Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card! Flanders: (chuckles) Well boys, who'd have thought learning about religion could be fun? Bart: Religion? Milhouse: Learning? Nelson: Let's get out of here! (everyone laughs including Bart) Bart: What are we all laughing about?īart: Oh boy! Free trading cards! Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! 26 conversions in A.D. Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. (Chief Wiggum shoots the TV) Sarah Wiggum: Clancy, use the remote!Ībe: That's my son up there! Old Jewish Guy: What, the balding fatass? Abe: Uh, no, the Hindu guy.īart: (after looking at record sleeve) Dad, when did you record an album? Homer: I'm surprised you don't remember, son. Man in Crowd: This enormous woman will devour us all! ( Jumps ship into river) Homer: Eh, I meant the statue. She's 100 years old, and she weighs over 200. (Homer addresses the crowd after finishing the B-Sharps New York performance) Homer: We'd like to dedicate this next number to a very special woman. (Homer tries to write a song for the Be Sharps) Homer: Baby on board, something something, Burt Ward.this thing writes itself! Apu: That is a great dishonor to my ancestors and God.but okay. From now on, your name is Apu de Beaumarchais. Homer: (excited, gobbles some down) Oh, man! George: Well, what a nice fella.Īpu: Apu Nahasapeemapetilon. OH, MY GOD! Where did you get that brownie? George: Over there. (Comic Book Guy puts the 'Melvin and the Squirrel' record on.) Record: Stuck a feather in his cap and called it 'Rice-a-Roni'. George Harrison: (responding to the Be Sharps' rooftop concert) It's been done. Ich bin ein Springfield Swap Meet patron! Mayor Quimby: Welcome, swappers, to the Springfield Swap Meet.

Barney simpsons quotes